Inside I'm Broken
by Red Cinnamon
Summary: All the training in the world couldn't prepare Cloud fo rthe day he would lose his dearest member of the team. Told in his POV, Cloud watches helplessly as Aeris' death unfolds.


*Author's Note: This is a Final Fantasy 7 fanfiction that takes place directly after the defeat of Demon's Gate (the wall thing with arms at the Temple of the Ancients). 98% of the dialogue, not including Cloud's personal thoughts and narrations, is taken strictly word for word from the game. Yes yes...meaning Cea sat in front of her TV for an hour copying down everything they said   
-_-;; I'm wierd.  
  
*Warning: If you like Tifa, you probably shouldn't read this. It also helps if you've played through the game.  
  
**  
  
Inside I'm Broken  
**By C.D  
  
The ringing chime of my blade aimlessly dragging against the stone floor echoed in my ear. An uncomfortable mixture of sweat and blood dripped to the floor, and I flicked it out of my eye just in time to see none other than Aeris lay the final blow. She was good at defending herself, yes, but her main role in most of our battles was that of a healing aid. Imagine my surprise to step forward, piercing the monster's rough exterior with a sufficient fire spell.  
  
As it fell to the ground, and furthermore disappeared in a brilliant flash of crimson, she turned around to me and smiled. Aeris brushed the wet strands of hair out of her eyes and walked over to me, offering a hand up from my kneeling position. I wanted to tell her she didn't have to risk herself like that, and it would have been better for me to do all the work, but I was interrupted by the sound of huge iron doors slamming against the wall.  
  
In a burst of flamboyant frenzy, was our not so life like friend: Cait Sith. The Shinra spy. What possessed me to agree to let him take the Black Materia out of the Temple? I have no idea. He jumped over to us, clapping that giant moogle's hands together like he always did when he was excited.  
  
Sorry to keep you waiting! He said, It's me!! I'll handle the rest.  
  
Aeris and I exchanged glances, then looked over to Tifa who had just barely managed to get to her feet. I had a feeling the Temple of the Ancients wasn't really in her interest. But then again, neither was hanging out with Aeris. She dusted herself off and made her way over to us, just at the robotic cat spread a wide grin across his face and laughed:  
  
Well everyone, take care of yourselves! He bounced, taking his leave.  
  
Cait Sith.. Aeris sighed before grabbing my wrist with a tight squeeze. I was amazed she had any strength left to squeeze with after the fight, Come on Cloud, say something..  
  
My jaw dropped to protest, coming face to face with her blazing green eyes. They glowed as brightly as mine did, only she didn't have the Mako excuse I had. And she looked at me in fierce determination that clearly revealed I didn't have the luxury of arguing. I raised a brow, I'm not good at this..  
  
The spy nodded, Mmm, I understand. I feel the same too.  
  
And he began to leave. Already starting to lower myself into the mind set of goodbyes, I was caught off guard as the grip around my wrist became a grip around my arm. She dragged me forward, causing me to nearly stumble over her in the process, and she giggled.  
  
Why don't you read our fortunes? Aeris chirped. Cait Sith's ears perked up upon the mention and whipped around.  
  
Say, that's right...I haven't done that in a while, huh? I'm so excited, right or wrong I'm still the same ol' me. He smiled, looking down at her, Now what should I predict.  
  
Aeris looked up for a moment, pulling her lips to the side in curious thought before a grin spread across her face. Uh oh. Hmm, lets see how compatible Cloud and I are!  
  
Huh? She cuddled up against my arm, and I couldn't help but let a nervous laugh escape my lips. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tifa sigh and turn her back. Ooh this was great. Leave it to Cait Sith and Aeris to get me in trouble with Tifa- who is more like my mom than my..well..whatever she is.  
  
That'll cost ya. Exactly one date! I heard, as a black paw waved in front of my face, Here I go.  
  
As he did his little fortune making dance, Aeris loosened her grip on my arm after having noticed my attention reverted to the dark haired girl in the corner. Her expression a mixture of disappointment and worry; and to this I shook my head and gave her the satisfaction of a small, but forced smile. The robotic white mass before me hung his head down and turned his back.  
  
This isn't good. I can't say it. then he mumbled something that sounded like, Poor Tifa.  
  
Aeris let go of my hand and ran over to him. She set a hand on his shoulder and bent over so she could see him better. To this he looked at her with an expressionless face as she said sympathetically:  
  
No. Tell me. I promise I won't get mad.  
  
Is that so? He replied connivingly, Then I'll tell you! Looks good! You are perfect for each other! Aeris' star and Cloud's star! They show a great future!  
  
Then he turned to me, and those little slits he called eyes opened in bleary orbs of dramatic tear filled excitement. Cloud, I'll be your matchmaker, preacher..I'll do whatever you want me to! You just call me when it happens!  
  
Uhh..Suddenly it seemed a lot warmer in the room than it should be, and I was sure it wasn't the after battle fever. The girl beside me flashed a wild smile, full of happiness as if I had just proposed. Cait Sith turned his back and sighed.  
  
Thank you for believing in me knowing I was a spy. This is the final, final farewell!  
  
And with that he was off. The last time I would ever lay eyes on the original Cait Sith. Not that I ever really got to know him- seeing as though I was angry with him half the time. But he was, nonetheless, a member of my team. Aeris' shoulder brushed past mine as she called out into the emptiness of the closed door:  
  
Be strong Cait Sith!!  
  
Despite our lack of strength we made it out of the temple quite easily. Aeris seemed to know her way around like the back of her hand. Of course her little habit of looking up and talking into nowhere proved itself useful. And Tifa, not surprisingly, was quite fumed by the ordeal our Ancient friend had made for herself. Her glare was down my back for most of the trip out.  
  
Once at the entrance of the Temple we waited. This gave us time to treat some of the deeper wounds we had each earned. I had a pretty bad one on the back of my arm which was quickly bandaged up, and Aeris had somehow managed to get nicked by some kind of fire related attack on the back of her leg. Perhaps it was her own, I never really asked. She did however get a brief scolding on how _I'm_ the bodyguard, therefore _she_ stands back in the fights.  
  
To this she tilted her head to the side and asked me why I cared so much about her being out of the way.   
  
I opened my mouth to answer, when there was a deep growl that erupted throughout the jungle dense countryside. The ground beneath us shook, and Tifa somehow found herself stumbling from three yards away to being plastered against my chest. Hmm..convenient accident? The Temple of the Ancients was engulfed in a brilliant black orb, completely obscuring itself within it. Crackles of purple and blue lightning sparked around it, snapping close to our feet as we backed away into the jungle.  
  
When it was all over, we ran across the barely stable bridge and made our way over to the now invisible Temple. It was nothing more than a deep pit of lilac colored clay that ground deep down into the earth. I could feel my eyes light up with relief as I jammed my sword into the ground and began to climb in. Soon after me was Aeris, who I didn't have time to bark at stay up top with Tifa.  
  
That's the Black Materia. I commented as she jumped down beside me, As long as we have this, Sephiroth won't be able to use Meteor.  
  
I bit the fingertip of my glove and slid it off before carefully grabbing the floating rock in front of me. It was much heavier than it probably should have been, and it's cool feeling enveloped my senses in a strange fashion. This thing truly had an abundant amount of power, which curiously sparked my attention.  
  
Mmm? Can you guys use it?  
  
Aeris shook her head, Nope, we can't use it right now. You need great spiritual power to use it.  
  
You mean lots of Spiritual Energy?  
  
That's right. One person's power won't do it. Somewhere special. Where's there's plenty of the Planet's energy. She paused before snapping and grinning, Oh yeah! The Promised Land!  
  
The Promised Land. I said looking at it, No, but..  
  
Aeris walked up to me, her hands coming beneath mine as the reflection of her eyes was seen in the black mass, Sephiroth is different. He's not an Ancient.  
  
I looked up to her and smiled in hope, He shouldn't be able to find the Promised Land.  
  
Suddenly the world became a violent shade of purple, and the skies grew darker in color. Wind picked up, very slowly as if trickling in behind our backs. The air was filled with the bone chilling sound of laughing, cruel and evil- yet somewhat soothing and pleasant.  
  
..Ah, but I have. He said. I looked up to Sephiroth, shrouded in his black trench coat, I'm far superior to the Ancients. I became a traveler of the Lifestream and gained the knowledge and wisdom of the Ancients.  
  
He quirked his head to the side and smirked, I also gained the knowledge and wisdom of those after the extinction of the Ancients. And soon, I will create the future.  
  
All I could think about was why oh why did I leave my sword up at the top. I clinched my fist and parted my lips to speak when Aeris stepped forward, equally enraged. She threw her arm out to the side and hollered up to him:  
  
I won't let you do it! The future is not only yours!  
  
The silver haired man lowered his elevation for a brief period, and Aeris did not falter in the least. She stood before me proud and strong, easily overpowered yet determined to not let anyone get the best of her. She was always that way. From the moment I met her. Sephiroth threw his head back, letting loose a hearty laugh that echoed around the air as if he had trapped the sound waves in a sphere. I pushed my way in front of her and set a hand upon my back up dagger in my belt.  
  
Then he looked to me and raised a brow in curiosity, Ha, ha..I wonder? Wake up!!  
  
It hit me. In a brilliant flash of light, it blinded me. Suddenly enveloped in screaming chaos the world around me fuzzed to white and I held my ears. Louder and louder it grew, until I could barely make out voices, spiraling around my trembling body. Everything anyone had ever said to me to make me sad, or angry, or upset was brought flooding back into my mind. It pierced my eardrums in shrieking pain.  
  
Sh-Shut up! I managed to the outside world.  
  
My fists pounded into the ground before it all came to a screeching halt. There was something new. Something there that was trickling slowly into my body in secrecy. My nerve endings numbed in total submission to it's power, and my panicked eyes lowered as it surged through me. Creeping in to my mind. Intoxicating every rational thought my body had to offer. It was in control. And Cloud was somewhere else. Miles away.  
  
There Cloud. I heard him say as a few fingertips ran through my bangs, Good boy.  
  
I pulled myself to my feet, briefly hearing the girls' calling my name. My chin lowered, and I saw the brilliant light of my eyes glowing against the wall behind Sephiroth. My hands were shaking, trembling even; and my eyes narrowed in a form of fuming submission. Sephiroth smirked as our hands met, and the Black Materia lazily rolled into his palm.  
  
His fingers curled over it, and the shaking suddenly became worsened.  
  
Well done. He said before jumping into the air and becoming out of sight.  
  
It didn't take long before my hearing recovered enough to hear Aeris sound a startled, Cloud, are you all right?  
  
After several moments of attempting to breathe properly, I replied in a helpless growl, ..I gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth?  
  
As I turned around to her, I was met with her fearful and exasperated eyes surging into me. Through the last recourses of my own conscious thinking I managed, Wha-what did I do? I reached a shaking hand out to her, Tell me..Aeris.  
  
Those eyes, burning emerald showered with pure human emotion and love. It triggered, and angered whatever Sephiroth put inside of me, as my legs gave out and I fell to my knees. Another wave of searing light and uncomfortable intoxication washed over me, and I briefly remembered feeling my cheek against Aeris' lap.  
  
she said, Be strong, okay?  
  
It infuriated me without my consent, and my body jolted in frustration, Urgh. What have I done!?  
  
Aeris spoke over me in my last few words, Cloud, you haven't done anything. she commented desperately, It's not your fault.  
  
Something struck me, as violent and cruel as a bolt of lightning. A wicked emotion filtered into my being that shouldn't normally be directed towards someone as gentle as Aeris. In my body's severely dampered state, it easily succumb to this new found feeling. I looked up into her pain filled face and felt suddenly overwhelmed by something I thought I'd never have to experience.  
  
Hate.  
  
The outside world was reduced to a blur of white light, and the straining voices of my childhood returned to me. I briefly remembered shakily making my way up to my feet, and my fist was raised into the air.  
  
came the stuttered words from my lips, drowning out Tifa's agonizing calls.  
  
My knuckles cracked against something soft and warm. Gently delicate yet unmistakably vulnerable. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't have just...  
It happened again; the same feeling brushed against my numbed fist for the second time. And then another, and then another. Through all the whirling chaos I was trapped in, two glowing orbs penetrated it's rapture around me. Green eyes of crystalline jade- tenderly outlined by streaks of black and purple. I did this to her.  
  
I wanted to kill myself for harming something so perfect.  
  
Cloud! What are you doing!?  
  
Before I knew it, Tifa's silhouette was behind me. With all the swiftness a female of her strength could master, her iron clad fist struck against the back of my neck. In a flash, everything fuzzed out into tranquil pallidness. The noise, the fury, everything ceased and left my weakened body in an instant.  
  
I slowly uncurled from my tucked position to find myself floating in a white mist of nothingness. I sighed and put my head back into my crossed arms.  
  
Everything is white.. I whispered to myself, What did I do?  
  
Nothing was coming to mind, and I shook my head in feeble hopelessness, I don't remember anything..My memory....since when....?  
  
If everything's a dream, don't wake me.  
  
  
  
  
The world faded into a brilliant blue of turquoise and milky yellow for a moment before it sharpened into what seemed to be a forest. A long path stood before me that seemed to go on forever. Pallid streams of light flooded from between the leaves and down on to me, and a strange calmness washed over me. It was beautiful there, and I felt like I never wanted to leave.  
  
A quiet giggle echoed throughout the forest for a brief moment before Aeris peeked out from behind a tree, Cloud, can you hear me?  
  
Yeah. I hear you. Sorry for what happened.  
  
Don't worry about it.  
  
I grimaced playfully before shrugging, I can't help it.  
  
Aeris flashed a conniving smile, putting her hands behind her back, Then why don't you _really_ worry about it?  
  
Suddenly she was leaning against the tree opposite of her. Before I could gawk at her sudden teleportation skill, she interrupted me, And let me handle Sephiroth.  
  
I parted my lips to reject, but suddenly she jumped down from a tree branch above me, And Cloud, take care of yourself so you don't have a breakdown, okay?  
  
I was silenced as she put a hand on my shoulder, and stood on her tiptoes to plant a gentle kiss on my lips. Before I could make any sense out of the situation, she pulled back as swiftly as she came. I gulped and took a shaky breath, feeling my face immerse itself into a deep blush. Aeris tilted her head to the side ever so slightly and smiled.  
  
What is this place? I cleared my throat, changing the subject. I was never good at stuff..like this.  
  
She looked up and smiled at it's shimmering beauty before disappearing to the tree trunk next to me and speaking, This forest leads to the City of the Ancients...and it's called the Sleeping Forest. It's only a matter of time before Sephiroth uses Meteor. That's why I'm going to protect it.  
  
Aeris lifted her chin and looked at me earnestly, Only a survivor of the Cetra, like me, can do it.  
  
Then she appeared on the path, and pointed down it wisely, The secret is just up here. At least it should be. I feel it. It feels like I'm being led by something. she tentatively touched her chest.  
  
I took a step forward, but she cut me off, Then I'll be going now. she waved, I'll come back when it's all over.  
  
I asked, not following her in the least.  
  
Then she took off running down the golden leafed path. Aeris seemed to be moving far too fast for a girl of her stature, and when I tried to run after her I realized my body was trapped in slow motion. I took another step, but this time I seemed to be frozen in place. No, Aeris- don't go, I pleaded internally.  
  
You can't..leave me.  
  
Suddenly my body felt very heavy, like I was being pushed into the ground by some unknown force. Then I heard him. That damn man's voice echoed through the forest like chimes.  
  
Hmm..she's thinking of interfering? She will be a difficult one, don't you think? he said.  
  
Then Sephiroth dropped down from the trees far too gracefully for any _normal_ human to do. But then again, he's not what you would call normal. He smirked, though it didn't quite reach his flaming aqua eyes.  
  
We must stop this girl soon.  
  
Before I could respond, things fuzzed out to white static in all it's raging fury from before. I yelled and sat up in bed, snapping my spine in the process. Freezing sweat prickled down my forehead as well as my suddenly bare chest. As the world began to slink into focus, I saw I was in a small cabin of purple mahogany wood. I recognized this wood.  
  
You look like you was havin' a nightmare. How are you feeling? came a low, raspy voice.  
  
I looked to my side to see none other than Barret and Tifa, both looking like they had seen a ghost.  
  
I don't really know. I said honestly.  
  
I guess that's right. Barret agreed, Well, don't worry too much about it.  
  
Why does everyone not want me to worry about things?  
  
You know Cloud, Aeris is gone. She said sadly, shifting her long black hair to the side.  
  
Everyones out looking for Aeris. Barret added.  
  
I sat up, ripping the thin covers off of me and looking up at them as if they had done something to lose her, City of the Ancients. Aeris is headed there.  
  
By herself?! Why did she go by herself?! Barret exploded, which was usual by now, Hey, we're goin' too.  
  
I pulled my aching legs out over the bed, sitting and looking up at them frankly, Only the Ancients, only Aeris can save us from Meteor.  
  
Then we must go. What'll we do if something happens to Aeris? If Sephiroth finds her, she's in trouble.  
  
I lowered my head, putting my prayed hands against my forehead, Sephiroth already knows.  
  
Hey! Why are you still sittin' around? He barked.  
  
Tifa agreed, Lets go Cloud.  
  
Not taking my clasped hands off my forehead, I snapped, when they ceased all movement, I continued, I might lose it again. If Sephiroth comes near me, I might...  
  
Yeah godammit! It's cuz of you that Sephiroth got the Black Materia in the first place! _It's all your damn fault!!_  
  
I stared into the floor. He..he was right. The planet's future depended on me keeping that materia away from Sephiroth and I blew it. Millions, billions of people were going to die because of what I did. Because I wasn't strong enough to defend myself or my friends. My stupid, stupid weakness was going to lead to the destruction of all man kind, and I knew it to be true.  
  
My fault? escaped the helpless words.  
  
[_Cloud, you haven't done anything. she commented desperately, It's not your fault._]  
  
I'm sorry Aeris. You were wrong.  
  
I know you got problems..hell we all do. But you don't even understand yourself. But you gotta understand that there ain't no gettin offa this train we're goin on, till we get to the end of the line. Barret growled, as if restraining the urge to shoot me right there and now.  
  
I ran my hands up my face and rubbed my eyes. I found myself trembling in anger and desperation.  
  
Cloud, we came this far..Aren't you going to settle up with Sephiroth? Tifa said warmly, probably attempting to pick up the pieces left by Barret.  
  
I glared at her, shaking my head, I'm _afraid_! If this keeps up I may go crazy! I'm afraid..  
  
Who gives a damn about pride anyway? They didn't know how it felt. Barret and Tifa, had no idea what it was like to betray the entire world, because they were too weak to put up a decent fight against will power. How the hell could they possibly imagine the burden of every life that ever set foot on this planet being on their shoulders.  
  
I stared into the floor, probably too ashamed to look them in the eye.  
  
Just a damn jackass. That's all you are. Yo, jes think about it..how many people in this world do ya think _really_ understand themselves? People get depressed in life because they don't know what's up. But they go on living. They don't run away..isn't that how it is? he paused for a moment before stomping out of the room.  
  
Tifa stepped forward, Cloud, you'll come with us right? I believe in you..  
  
He touched her chest sadly and followed Barret. I was left alone, which I think I needed. I ran my hand from my forehead to the back of my neck and sighed.  
  
What am I supposed to do? Pull out of here? Pull out...to where? I asked myself.  
  
I heard Barret and Tifa's muffled voices outside. She sounded worried, and he said to give me a little more time. Suddenly I was being treated like an unstable basket case. Probably because I am. I stood up and pulled on my pants and boots. As I pulled the collar of my turtleneck down below my chin, I sighed and spoke to myself.  
  
I'm afraid to find out the truth. setting a hand on the doorframe, I turned around and took one more look at the room, But why?  
  
I passed through the front room and gave a forced wave to the villager who let us stay. He started to say something, but I just kept walking. When I came out, Tifa sighed in relief.  
  
  
  
Barret took a step forward, his expression becoming a bit more bearable, Hey. How are you? I just wanna know, which is it gonna be? You wanna find out about yourself? Or are you afraid to find out? Either way you stay around here and about all you can do is worry about it. Even if you do go nuts when you see Sephiroth. If it happens, it happens. he shrugged, I'll go upside your spikey white head and bring you back to normal.  
  
I quirked a smile in the corner of my mouth.  
  
Cloud. It'll be all right. We're all with you. Tifa said gently.  
  
I started.  
  
Barret cut me off harshly, If it happens, it happens. Don't worry bout it.  
  
I nodded, You're right. He's right isn't he?  
  
Tifa smiled, Come on, lets go find Aeris.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
We took the Tiny Bronco up North to Bone Village. There we learned a great deal about the excavation team that dwelt there, and they informed us a girl in a pink dress and combat boots had passed through just recently. We didn't waste any time. As we came through the entrance out of Bone Village, I saw it.  
  
The Sleeping Forest. The entrance way to the City of the Ancients.  
  
Since Tifa refused to stay back with the others, I allowed her to accompany me. Time and time again she asked for me to slow down, for my pace was too quick. I had to reach her in time. Knowing Aeris, she'd do something stupidly sacrificial in order to save us all. Then we'd be right back where we started for no good reason.  
  
At one point, things grew very late. Whatever light source the City of the Ancients had, it faded violently. The world was suddenly reduced to nothing more than a hue of dark blue. We had to find shelter quickly, and we found it in the form of what seemed like a giant sea shell. Conveniently, three beds lay there, and Tifa and I decided to camp for the night since we couldn't see a thing outside.  
  
I was horribly reluctant at first, but had to take into consideration my physical condition after traveling all day and night. We practically collapsed into bed, and I don't even remember closing my eyes. Although I wouldn't be asleep for too long. Somewhere around three o'clock in the morning my stomach churned in an uncomfortable frenzy.  
  
Something was tugging at my soul.  
  
I grumbled and rolled out of bed, my bare feet patting against the soft wood floor. I touched my stomach tenderly and decided to take a walk around the spiraling shell. This place was very strange indeed, and it's surrealistic sense was beginning to get to me. All of a sudden I felt bad for thinking odd of Aeris when she would communicate with the souls of the Ancients. And now here I was, standing in nothing more than a white t-shirt and pants- feeling it as she did.  
  
Then Tifa poked her head around the corner, her red eyes looking worried. By then the feeling worsened, and the planet was teething at me in urgency.  
  
I feel it.. I said to it.  
  
Cloud, what is it? She responded quietly, seeming frightened.  
  
It snapped, hitting me like lightning all over my body. His presence. Hers too. Tangled and entwined in an energetic mass of spirits. Aeris is here..and so is Sephiroth.  
  
Wh, What? Sephiroth?! But how can you tell? she exclaimed.  
  
It's not an excuse. I feel it in my soul. I said.  
  
Then we better hurry to her! Tifa said sliding her feet into her boots.  
  
I was already ahead of her, Right. Lets hurry and find Aeris.  
  
Not even waiting for my dark haired comrade, I slid my sheath over my shoulder and headed off. My bare feet ran across the bone paved walkway to the giant tree looking thing at the end of the path. As I grew closer, I began to hear something in the equivalence of a gentle hum or chant. No.  
  
A prayer.  
  
Aeris' voice...  
  
I followed the sound into another giant shell like object, surrounded with crystalline water. In the center was a hologram with a set of stairs beneath it. Crystal stairs let to a never ending vortex of violet and cream colors. The substance was cold beneath my feet, and I hastily made my way down to what seemed like a city made completely of purple glass. It was beautiful- and If I had time, I could have stopped to marvel. But the feeling in the pit of my being surged, and took control of my shaking legs.  
  
It screamed, and pleaded for more speed- and even with my elite physical body, I seemed to be getting further and further away from her.  
  
I screeched to a halt after coming around a corner. A large room, with a lake at the bottom. Before me lay a platform with several stepping stone cylinders leading up to it. I set a hand against the wall beside me, and caught my breath. Just as several drops of sweat hit against the ground, I saw her.  
  
Kneeling atop the platform, eyes shut in serene concentration. Pale, delicate hands clasped before her. I walked up to the stones and sighed, a few strands of blonde hair coming before my eyes.  
  
I said quietly.  
  
Tifa came clomping in behind me, and began to make a flamboyant ruckus to probably go and disturb her. I slapped a hand over her mouth and pointed a finger telling her to stay there and don't move. Taking a hard gulp, I began to make my way up the cylinders to her, taking a bit more time than usual from my swift run.  
  
She didn't falter in the least as I approached her. And as I reached a hand out to call her name, something hit me. Fierce and hard, it rushed up into my soul through the ground. I groaned, clinching my fists hard enough for little patches of blood to emerge from my nails. No no. Not now. Not again, please.  
  
The sensation flew up my spine once more, and despite my best efforts, sank into my mind with ease. I cricked my neck a bit upon the odd feeling and looking in horror to see my trembling hands reach back into my sword. I drew it and held it in front of me for a moment, seeing my aqua Mako eyes burning into it's silver exterior.  
  
The blade was raised, high above my head. This was it. All I knew now was that I had to do only one thing. One simple mission to carry out- and that was to kill Aeris. In one sharp motion I thrust it down into the wind, until the shrill scream of Tifa's voice came flooding back into my consciousness.  
  
Cloud!! Stop!!  
  
I shook my head violently, Ugh. What are you making me do?  
  
I saw a shadow above me, small at first, but then it grew larger. I snapped my head up to see a dark figure swiftly drifting down from the radiant light above. The world was suddenly trapped in slow motion as he landed behind her and briefly looked to me. I got no more than a single step forward before it happened.  
  
The long blade of a sword slid effortlessly into her back, and I saw it come through her stomach in equal ease.  
  
Suddenly all I heard was the sound of my own heartbeat, pounding in my ears. Aeris' eyes opened briefly, probably too quick for any one else to notice. Crystalline emerald eyes flickered up to me in sluggish pain before sliding closed. My jaw dropped ever so slightly, and I realized the heartbeat I heard wasn't mine- it was hers. It slowed, fading into a gentle murmur before becoming completely distant.  
  
Sephiroth ripped the sword out of her back far too violently, and took a step back. He watched the crimson fluid drip off the blade in some form of sick pleasure. In her moment left without the support of the blade, Aeris fell forward, and my frozen legs broke out of their stance to catch her. She fell into my arms so lightly, she felt like a feather.  
  
My knees locked beneath me, and I held her against my chest on the ground. Blood was streaming down from the deep wound in her stomach. It trickled beneath me, seeping into my pants and clothes. Aeris' blood. It didn't seem real. It couldn't be real. Something as delicately perfect as she couldn't cease to exist- she couldn't!  
  
Her green eyes opened ever so slightly between slits and looked into mine. I mouthed something to her, almost involuntarily before the corners of her lips curled in something equivalent to a smile. Although too faint to even qualify. Suddenly I was snapped back into the cruel reality my mind refused to believe.  
  
I asked. I shook my head, and gave her body a little squeeze in my arms, Aeris! This..can't be real!  
  
Sephiroth gave an evil chuckle behind me, Do not worry. Soon the girl is to go north. The Promised Land waits for me over the snowy fields. There, I will become...  
  
My body gave a violent jolt, Shut up! The cycle of nature and your stupid plan don't mean a thing. Aeris is _gone_.  
  
I refused to believe my own words.  
  
Aeris will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry...or get angry.. my voice trembled. I winced and hugged her, What about _us_? What are _we_ supposed to do? What about _my_ pain?  
  
Something unfamiliarly warm and salty slid down my cheek and onto hers. My lungs suddenly squeezed and convulsed, like a hiccup only deeper- searing into my chest like an ice pick. Holding Aeris in my lap, I raised my hands up to my face only to feel them shaking like they would never stop. My body ached and mourned, rejecting all that it saw and felt. It wasn't natural, it couldn't be.  
  
My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning. I whispered to myself.  
  
Another painful gasp emerged from beneath my hands, and more stinging water came from behind them.  
  
What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me you have feelings too? Sephiroth asked like he had something up his sleeve.  
  
I slid Aeris to the side and stood up in a rage, Of course! Who do you think I am!?  
  
He threw his head back and laughed, Stop acting as if you are sad. There's no need to act as though you're angry either.  
  
I narrowed my eyes as he levitated up, Because Cloud, you are...  
  
In a flash of light, he threw the monster Jenova down to me. I lifted my arms to shield myself, and it landed- morphing into it's hideous form I had unfortunately become so familiar with. On what seemed like pure reflex, I ripped my sword off the ground and darted towards Jenova before it had a chance to grow into it's larger form.  
  
In a flash a jammed my sword into it's heart, and it screeched in violent reluctance. I pushed the blade in harder into it's body, and it screamed in pain. I had learned from previous battles that Jenova is weak until she morphs into her true form. The faint red light that was her heard ceased and it disappeared in a slow, dull roar. However, as swiftly as if came, I was suddenly left in pitch darkness.  
  
Because you are.. Jenova said, her voice low and animal like, A puppet.  
  
  
  
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Everyone said their goodbyes. It was like a funeral. Aeris lay lifeless against the side of the platform, and one by one her friends walked up and said one final farewell. I however sat atop the opposite banister, knees on my chest and staring out into the blue nothingness of the forest like vortex. My eyes trembled and burned in new found denial.  
  
I brought my arm up to my face and scraped at the silent tears that so bitterly fell from my eyes.  
  
Then suddenly, a hand was set on my shoulder, and Tifa spoke.   
  
Cloud. It's time to say goodbye. she said.  
  
I swiveled around and slowly came down from the ledge. Everyone gave me the decency of leaving, heading up the staircase and back into the City of the Ancients. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity I saw her again. Her cold and lifeless body, expression blank and empty. It couldn't be her. She couldn't possibly be my Aeris- who is so joyful and full of love. God Cloud, why couldn't you protect her? Why couldn't you be faster, stronger, smarter?  
  
I knelt beside her and timidly took her hand.  
  
I'm sorry, I said, I'm sorry for not...  
  
The words refused to continue themselves, and something equivalent to a whimper escaped my lips as I buried my forehead in her shoulder. I didn't care about my pride, or my man's disposition of strength. Right now, I was broken on the inside- a broken man. I touched her cold cheek and hugged her in close to me, trembling like a lost kid.  
  
_How am I supposed to keep going? Without you..  
_  
I picked her up in my arms and began to start a zombie like walk up to the others. This was going to be the hardest thing I ever did.  
  
  
  
  
In the water I waded until it's stinging coolness was up to my chest. I never lost my gaze upon her, and slowly lowered Aeris' body into it's depths. My chest quickly rose and fell as I watched her sink into the limpid indigo water. Suddenly it seemed like I was truly losing her, that I had let her go after having given up.  
  
I wanted to plead with the watery depths. Don't take her. Don't steal her away from me forever. If I only could, I'd reach out and grab her. I'd hold her tight and she'd open her eyes, apologizing for worrying me so much. If I could only catch her before it was too late.  
_  
You said you'd be okay. You said you'd come back after it was all over.  
  
Well it's all over, and where are you Aeris? Where are you now?_  
  
Slowly, her face faded away until I couldn't see her anymore. I shook my head and winced once more before turning around to them and heading back.  
  
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We sat in the shell shaped structure, with me in the corner and my team staring at me in silence- waiting for an order. I hadn't slept that night, which only resulted in ghastly phsycotic looking circles beneath my eyes I pressed my prayed hands against my lips and stared into nothingness before me. Just as Tifa shifted her weight, probably about to say something, I spoke.  
  
Everyone, listen to me. I said, my voice sounding as if holding back all the rage a man had to offer.  
  
I am Cloud, Ex-Soldier, born in Nibelheim. I came to settle up with Sephiroth.   
  
Tifa blinked, ..What's going on?  
  
I came here on my own free will. Or so I thought. However..To tell you the truth, I'm afraid of myself. There is a part of me I don't understand. That part that made me with the Black Materia to Sephiroth.  
  
I looked to her, If you hadn't stopped me, Aeris might have been... my chest tightened upon the mention of her name, and I looked back to the floor, There's something inside of me. A person who is not really me.  
  
That's why I should quit this journey. Before I do something terrible. But I'm going. I clinched my fist, He destroyed my town five years ago, killed Aeris, and is now trying to destroy the Planet. I'll never forgive Sephiroth.  
  
I..I must go on.  
  
  
[ _Her green eyes opened ever so slightly between slits and looked into mine. I mouthed something to her, almost involuntarily, I love you. - The corners of her lips curled in something equivalent to a smile, and her eyes closed._ ]  
  
Thank you Aeris. For saving my life.  
  
  
  
  
END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
